In all honesty, I have no idea how to accurately respond, because there are multiple ways for me to answer. If people are asking to know what day I celebrate, I explain that I choose to celebrate in February, because that was the actual month that she was born in; and that her parties on non-Leap Years will be held during the first weekend in March, because then it's after the fact and she's officially that year's age.
However, if you've looked at the 1st Birthday Ticker at the top of my blog, you'll see that she's eleven months, four weeks old, today... Which would imply that tomorrow is actually her first birthday. (And, yes, February 29, 2012 was the date that I entered when I made it). So, who knows!
Growing up, I listened to a lot of music. I have always loved its ability to provide me with clarity and a better understanding of every aspect of my life. And, during the past nineteen months, I've grown to identify new feelings and an understanding about the person I am and the hopes, dreams, and feelings I have for Madeline.
This playlist is meant for her to listen to as the years pass on by; and while she's already listened to it before, it's only now officially done being made, as I don't foresee the addition of any songs within the next forty-eight hours.
(The songs are in no particular order, because I always listen to them on random; and as they play, I will explain. And, if you're interested in listening to any of the songs, each title is linked to a YouTube video for that song.)
For those of you who don't know, this song plays at the end of one of my all-time favorite movies, Meet the Robinsons. Simply put, for those who have not seen the movie, it is about a little boy who was born, taken to an orphanage, and later adopted. (Of course, there's a lot more to the plot, but I can't give it all away, so watch it for yourself and fall in love!) What I have taken away from the movie is that you should be proud of who you are and always believe in yourself, no matter how things might be in life.
This song is on the playlist, because every moment is full of wonder. I hope that she will always be amazed by the world around her; and that she will forever feel inspired to chase her dreams and believe in herself, no matter what may result.
02.) "Wake Me," by Message to Bears.
Some of you might know this song, because it was in the video I put on YouTube (here). This song is instrumental; and I chose it originally because I bought the album Folding Leaves to use as her lullabies. (Sorry, I'm not fond of the traditional kind.)Whenever I hear this song, I'm immediately reminded of the video Aaron took on his phone immediately following Madeline's birth (which is on the video), in which you can hear her little dinosaur roar, as I'd like to call it.
This song reminds me of that day that she was born, and our nine day journey while she was in the NICU for incredibly low blood sugar. "It's okay, Baby, you're a trooper!" I'd say, whenever she'd cry. At such a scary time, I had so much hope and conviction that she'd be just fine. Every day, I am thankful that she's just as stubborn and determined as I am.
03.) "Love Love Love," by Of Monsters and Men.This is one of those sort of sappy songs, which you'll find more of, as we continue on. It's probably more fitting for a couple's playlist, but that's also part of the reason it made it on here instead...
The majority of my life has been riddled with bouts of depression, self-injury, and suicidal ideation, resulting from my Major Depression Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and PTSD. (Oh, what fun Momma is!)
This song made it onto the playlist, because I want Madeline to see the good side of things. Sometimes in life, I feel completely unable to give what I feel I need the most:
"You love, love, love when you know I can't love you..."
Aaron was the first person that I felt could completely stop me in my tracks -- and without ever being asked, love me for who I was, without ever asking one question. And, Madeline... She just brings everything to her own level. With her, I smile and cry tears of joy nearly every day. I have never known someone to bring me such happiness and love me so completely as she does. She amazes me, and just like her dad, loves me in all ways.
04.) "A Thousand Years (feat. Steve Kazee) [Part 2]," by Christina Perri.Yes, another sappy song that I'm putting my own spin on. Perhaps it's because I love Christina's voice and the truth she conveys in her songs... It surely isn't because of the Twilight movies. The song resonates deep within me, because she sings:
"I have died everyday, waiting for you. Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. I love you for a thousand more. And, all along, I believed I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me; I have loved you for a thousand years. I love you for a thousand more."
Growing up, I always knew that I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to have a lot of children (okay, by today's standards, which would be three or four) -- and for those of you who may be curious, I still do. But, six years ago, I was diagnosed with PCOS and found that it would be an uphill battle to have children. For years, I was convinced that I'd never have children; and it broke my heart, because there was never anything more that I had ever wanted in my life. So, for me to be this lucky... For me to be able to have a little girl look into my eyes everyday and love me -- and I the same for her, I never would have thought it was possible, even for as much as I hoped and prayed for it to be possible. And, for that, I am forever thankful.
I love Bon Iver. Though their songs might be rather melancholy, that's alright by me. This song is on here for a few different reasons:
The winter that Aaron and I first got together, this CD was about all I listened to, whether he was with me or away... Whether in my car or at home. This is also my favorite song by Bon Iver. It was also played in my favorite episode of House (Wilson's Heart); and it's played at a point in the episode where one of the main character's girlfriend is dying (it's a lot more complicated than I'm explaining it).
For me, this song is about that moment that you don't ever want to end... That moment that you wish would last forever; and would do anything to get back. This song reminds me to remember the good things and carry them with me always; and I hope that as our lives go on, Madeline is able to go throughout her life remembering and keeping the great moments and memories with her always, so that she always has something to put a smile on her face.
This is my happy song; and this is a song that doesn't need too much of an explanation.
It's about cherishing those amazing moments, and remembering what it took to achieve great things. Always be thankful; always celebrate the good; and always be proud. You are amazing.
07.) "Some Nights," by Fun.
In Madeline's ninth month album, there's a picture of her in her car seat, and her sister Leila is in her face... And, she's singing this song. Between Aaron and Leila singing this song, either together or individually, she always seems to be amused.
This song is for the happy moments those two bring to her: for every Iron Baby flyby she does throughout our home, while in Daddy's arms; and for each time Leila has been a great help to her. I am so happy that everyone in this family takes the time to make everyone around them happy, whether it's in big or small ways.
I love this song, because it's like it captures all of the excitement and all of the amazing awesomeness that comes with being incredibly happy.
Madeline taught me that we're all able to both give and receive love unconditionally. She inspires me to be a better person and motivates me to strive to continually work to be better than what I am now. She was the missing piece to my puzzle; and now I feel more alive and able to accomplish my goals.
If ever there was a song to fully explain all of the ups and downs of life, I think this would be it.
One day, I want Madeline to know why I place such an importance on remembering every great moment, whether big or small. I want her to ask me questions about the people she never got the chance to meet -- the people who have undoubtedly molded me into much of the person I am today.
I want her to know about the handful of people I call my guardian angels and the lessons that they taught me.
I want her to know about the handful of people I call my guardian angels and the lessons that they taught me.
No matter what life may bring, always share all of your love with the people you surround yourself with.
This song is by my favorite band. Justin, the lead singer, wrote this song about his first daughter, Blue. I've never heard a song that spoke so truthfully about the amazing bond between a daughter and parent who at one point felt so lost.
"Blue does everything I've never seen before. She's the answer to the prayer I hadn't found. She's the answer to the silence -- she's my sound. Oh, what a girl... Oh, what a beautiful girl she is."
Every day I was pregnant, I prayed that Madeline would be happy. Nothing mattered more to me than knowing that she would be happy, or find a way to be happy when she's sad. There isn't anything more that she gets complements for than her happiness. And, I am forever thankful for her, her health, her happiness, and the joy that she has brought to my life.
In both finding and keeping happiness in my own life, I listen to this song a lot.
I hope that Madeline can continue to keep a smile on her face, no matter what she may endure in life. If there is negativity, get rid of it. You deserve only the best. Don't let anything hold you down or keep you from what you need and deserve.
I call this song my Grammie/mother-daughter heirloom.
My first trip to Florida, I went only with my parents; and while my dad had to attend some work-related conferences, my mom and I went to see Tarzan at the movie theater. I'm pretty sure that was the first Disney movie to make me cry.
There is nothing greater than knowing that no matter who you are, or where you came from that you are loved unconditionally; and a mother's love is forever.
Some fun facts: This was the first upbeat song I heard after finding out that I was pregnant; and I deemed this as the official Maddie Song. This song also caused me to bawl at every Disney advertisement that year, whether it was on TV or the radio. (Of course, they chose this song.)
This song sparked the beginning of it all...
This song, now, reminds me of how quickly time flies; and how amazing the entire journey that Madeline and I have been on together for the past nineteen months. And, then, it reminded me that just when you least expect it, and when you've given up all hope... Good things do happen, so it is important not to lose sight of what you're after and have faith and trust that everything will work itself out somehow.
The last of the sappy, relationship-related songs. And, I chose this song, because I want her to always be brave, strong and happy.
One day, when she's at least thirty-years-old (Aaron and I aren't sure yet if we mean in Leap Years), I hope that she can find the kind of relationship Aaron and I have with one another. I hope she finds happiness in everything that she does, and with whoever she's with; and I hope it's just as amazing -- if not more, as the relationship Aaron and I have. It might not always be sunshine and roses, but somehow we always manage to make it through... Together.
All photographs of Madeline were taken by Malmquist Photography.
